In theory, you gotta hand props to Harvard grad student Patrick Hamm. The 28-year-old dude, Patrick Hamm, saw his chance to pwn some 20-year-old Asian cunnus and took it. Unfortunately for him, Patrick Hamm disobeyed the Prime Directive of Co-ed Cunnus Sexploitation... "If'n you're gonna be a perv, don't be a fucktard about it!"
As this clusterfuck makes clangingly obvious, Patrick Hamm violated three rules for surviving the Sexploitation of Co-Ed Cunnus:
Of course, the girl Patrick Hamm decided to fuck had to be none other than Lena Chen, a sex-craved blogger whose blog focuses entirely on sex and, in particular, her sexual experiences. Prior to the Patrick Hamm Scandal, Lena Chen was best known for having her nude pics leaked to the internets (See Gallery, below.) Needless to say, Patrick Hamm was promptly booted from his swanky teaching position at Harvard University and had his ass deported back to Germany.
Rule One: Low-Hanging Fruit is Verboten
If you're gonna nail a student, make sure she never was your student! In the old days, sexing a former student would be shrugged off. But in the age of such petting-zoos as Autoadmit, Patrick Hamm was just asking for an online fisting.Rule Two: Make Sure She's Worth It
If you're gonna plug some 20-year-old cunnus, make sure that cunnus doesn't belong to a fat drama queen: like Lena Chen otherwise, you're just asking to get pwned when the cunnus of your eye is a sex blogger. Patrick Hamm, eager to plug his student's cunt, ignored this rule...and, before he knew it, Lena Chen was:- posting about the time Patrick Hamm throttled her until she let him sex her (a.k.a. "aggressive/surprise sex").
- posting a pic of the results of Patrick Hamm splooging on her face...and adding the endearing tidbit that you "kissed her with tongue afterwards." Ew.
- posting about that time Patrick Hamm and Lena Chen were high together and how Patrick Hamm scored a Fake ID for Lena Chen (see scroll box below). Lena Chen
Rule Three: Tough It Out
If you break the first two rules, then rest assured some petting zoo like Auto Admit is gonna find out. When they do, don't whimper like a bitch about it, claiming "outrage!:" like Patrick Hamm didPatrick Hamm should have asked himself this: Patrick Hamm fucked loudmouth, talky, drama queen sex-blogger Lena Chen. Did Patrick Hamm actually think it would remain on the q.t.? If he did, then Patrick Hamm kill self and leave Harvard, because Patrick Hamm is obviously too much of a fucktard to flourish there. Then again, Patrick Hamm is German...
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